Dear Reader,

By the time you read this, the sole question you've been asking me for months hopefully would've been answered already. And if you haven't watched the finale yet, it is my utmost displeasure to tell you, that indeed, I did not win Project Runway Philippines Season 2. I've been laboring over this blog entry for the longest time- how to start the paragraph or what to say exactly. But I guess, to get to the end, one must take the first step into the unknown. So here I am getting this out of the way. When I auditioned for this season, I wasn't expecting much. Yes, I was just excited to be there, amidst all of the other designers. I guess I wasn't the kind to go after contests ever since I was a child. Maybe that's why I was happy with the performing arts for a very long while, and the premise of sharing rather than competing was more my thing. But I guess fate had another plan for me, because I did make it amidst so many other designers being more technically able or experienced than me. I am grateful to have met 12 other friends who are unlike any other I've met in the past, coming from different backgrounds yet sharing one dream. I call them friends because I never saw them as competitors nor people I had to battle with. From day one, I made it clear that I was there to learn and have fun, and so I did. Each challenge was hard for me, maybe because it has really been a while since I sewed something seriously. I wasn't the best student exactly, since I was the kind who gave my professors headaches or wasn't really in class for the most part of the trimester. I was dancing most of the time, or oversleeping. I just didn't want to humiliate my self on national television by being booted out early in the show. Each day was harder than the next, and each challenge presented itself as a call to evolve.

Tulad ng sabi ko palagi, hindi yung pagdedesign ang mahirap sa PRP, ito yung realidad na kailangan mo ng karampatang energy para matapos on time at di mafrustrate ng mabilis sa mga bagay bagay. Labing isang challenges na nakakabuwang at nakakangenge ang dinaanan namin, sa harap ng mapanuring mga mata nila Rajo, Apples, Teresa at iba pang judges. Hindi madaling manahi ng isang buong araw, at ipagtanggol ang disenyo mo sa harap ng mga tao kinabukasan. Pagod ka na, madalas ay di pa maintindihan kung san mo hinugot ang ideyang ginawa mong damit. Madalas, bugbog na ang utak mo, pati katawan mo pa at kaluluwa. Kapag tinatanong ako kung bakit ako nagluluto ng almusal sa umaga, ang sagot ko lang ay dahil gusto kong kumain ng matinong pagkain sa umaga, pero hindi yun ang katotohanan. Naisip ko kasi na imposibleng magkasama kaming lahat hanggang dulo, may kailangan umuwi para umusad ang mga araw. Nagluluto ako ng almusal araw-araw dahil kahit papano ay may mga alaalang naiiwan na magkakasama kami sa isang mesa, magkakasama bilang isang pamilya. And it was always happy for me seeing everybody gathered to celebrate food, kahit na ngarag from the day before.

I never won a challenge, nor did become part of the bottom group. A reality that is both happy and unfortunate, and there were times I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing or fucking up. But I feel that not winning was a form of blessing, and I wouldn't have made it to the end if I wasn't always on my toes all the time. Although there were times I felt I should've won, it felt more satisfying that people liked a particular dress. At the end of the day, I realized "It's not about winning, it's how you play the game", like what my former batchmate and Project Runway Season 1 finalist Veejay Floresca stated.

Sabi ni Russell kagabi, while watching in his own apartment with his friends, "This is the end of our PRP experience." And I said to myself, "And yes, it is also the start of another chapter in our lives."

Kagabi, I was surrounded by friends and family while watching the season finale. Hindi ko inasahan na ganun kadami ang pupunta, dangan lang din naman na hindi ako magaling mag-imbita. Hindi madaling mapanuod ang huling episode na yun at maalala yung mga parte na masakit para sa akin, after all, Project Runway was my life for almost a year. Marami akong natutunan sa sarili ko bilang tao, at bilang designer. At sobrang nagpapasalamat ako sa lahat ng taong sumuporta, naniwala at nagtiwala sa aking kakayahan bilang designer, at natuwa sa aking mga kabaklaan. I will miss everyone from the production, lahat ng camera men, producers, director, staff, kilala niyo kung sino kayo. Kayo ang nagpaganda sa amin sa confessionals, nanggising sa amin sa umaga, tumutok sa amin sa loob ng mahabang panahon at nagtiis sa mga neuroses namin. Sa mga kasama kong contestants na naging mga kaibigan kong lubos, itinataas ko rin ang koleksyon ko para sa inyong lahat. Sa lahat ng nanuod at sumubaybay sa season na ito, salamat sa pagtangkilik sa ilang buwan ng aming kabaklaan at kabaliwan, at pati na rin sa paniniwala sa kakayahan namin. Sa mga kaibigan ko na umintindi at kumalinga sa akin sa lahat ng kabaliwan ko at kadramahan sa buhay. Sa mga interns (Lhen, Portia, Gwen at Marko) ko na walang sawa at bukas palad na tinatanggap ang mga itinuturo ko, WARLA woulddn't have been WARLA if not for you guys . Kay Geel, Ces, at Mama para sa walang katapusang pagmamahal at suporta ang binigay nyo sa akin, anumang landas ang tinatahak ko. Para kay Papa na sobrang namimiss ko, alam kong napanuod mo yung show mula dyan sa langit...para sa yo lahat ng yun, Pa.

Para sa lahat ng minahal ko at nagmahal sa akin sa nagdaang panahon, kayong lahat ang tumulong bumuo ng konsepto ko para sa WAR : war/love...

At higit sa lahat, kay Ad...para sa lahat ng pagmamahal na matagal ko nang pinangarap at akala ko'y di ko na matatagpuan. Here's to our wonderful future together. Onting tiis na lang mahal...

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Standing amidst friends and family, cramped in our small apartment, surrounded by twinkling lights and good food...

I smiled to myself, and I had this warm fuzzy feeling that everything will be okay.